Thursday, October 24, 2002

Things Involving Today

(originally posted at

i have a bit of a stomach ache.  too much caffeine in my diet.

quite early this morning, before i even went to sleep last night, i received an IM from cassy.  she's not interested in attempting to maintain our friendship.  i'm just too busy to give her the attention she needs.  she'd been bugging me for a while to write about her visit.  i just didn't know what to say.  i'm just beginning to recover from my sickness and just haven't been able to concentrate on things.  hence, not writing about her visit.  well, she came to visit.  to see the legendary pink dots with me.  it was such a great show (first time i heard the song "birdie," which is a new fave).  her and i have great physical chemistry, but she seemed very put off - maybe even hurt by the emotional distance i kept.  i wish i could express to her that it's just how i am.  everyone seems to complain about it.  i did, however, try to explain to her what makes me tick.  what interests me and keeps me going from day to day.  my love affair with the future.  i don't know what she made of it.  maybe she thinks i'm crazy.  i couldn't respond to her last night.  what she said hurt because it was true, and it's difficult to come to the realization that maybe you're not as close to someone as you thought you were.

i think my friend laurie's going through a similar situation, but that's another story.

sitting here in the office lounge, watching a muted version of the sniper show with brian eno and harold budd playing off my tibook, i feel a strange sort of calm.

perhaps it's relative.  today's been particularly hectic.  network problems in new york and san francisco, originating from korea, it seems.  lots of data shuffling at work.  at least i took 15 minutes to sit down and write a pretty cool sql query for the database.  it worked, first time.  very satisfying.

and tonight is the inaugural NY Transhumanist Association (NYTA) meeting, which I am hosting.  should be fun.

ah, and DSL has been really flakey for about a week now.  covad is coming out tomorrow to test with a new DSL modem.  i hope it solves the problem.  being without a steady internet stream has been pretty painful.

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