Friday, August 02, 2002


(originally posted at

it's difficult to watch friends make painful decisions. i worry so much about j and her relationship. this whole week, the lack of communication, it's been just awful. i need to step away from it all for a bit. i've been unfair to myself these past few months(years?) and this sudden feeling of hopelessness is in a strange way empowering.

wonder what i'll do with it...

on a different note, i've just been given a *heavy* project at work on a *very* tight deadline... so it looks like i won't get a vacation until sometime in Autumn. which is my favorite time of year anyway, i suppose.

i've bonded with the powerbook. it's become my main machine at work as well as at home. can't wait for the jaguar release on 8/24. chimera's the browser i'm on right now. feeling the love.

fuz isn't home yet, so it looks like i've probably got the apartment to myself all weekend as dkp is off at defcon and his girlfriend is down in georgia... i suppose i can occupy myself by cleaning the bathroom. it needs it, yuck.

bewildered. that's a good word for how i'm feeling right now. it's a kind of sad, muted, clear-headed rage - yet numb at the same time. have you ever felt that way? have you ever wanted to?

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